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After much cajoling, begging and finally threatening, I managed to drag ‘Emu’, mortified to the ’nth degree, to see 50 Shades Of Grey! I needed to see what all the fuss was about and I was certainly NOT going to take the Hubby. That would lead to way too much P.T.

Anyway, after “smuggling” my 6’2 inch Emu into the movie, we settled down and waited to be shocked, disgusted and thrilled. And so we waited. Patiently I might add.

Having read 2½ of the 50 Shades Trilogy I must admit to a certain amount of expectation and the movie didn’t just disappoint – it really disappointed!!

Anastasia was spot-on as the pathetic “mewling”, lip-chewing innocent. But honestly, the daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, as an innocent little virgin, is a bit difficult to swallow (get the pun – hahahah), given her parentage. It’s a bit like Cam (from Modern Family) playing Rocky Balboa!

“50 Shades of Grey is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer, it would be a Criminal Minds episode”

There is certainly no shortage of controversy surrounding the movie. Although in my opinion the most thrilling thing about it was the intense hype prior to its release. I have to admit that the audience reaction and possibly participation, was highly entertaining. I’m not sure the audience was meant to laugh at the risqué sex scenes, but they did. Hmmmm, actually I wouldn’t call them sex scenes as such. Errrrrrr what’s the phrase I am looking for? Not quite S&M (or so I’ve heard) but more like little teasing sessions. I swear that the men were more embarrassed than the women! That’s a first! But was it my imagination or did the two of them look as though they where not enjoying themselves? Surely not the point of it all?

I would hardly call it romantic but this observation does have a point. Mr Grey does administer a serious show of power play in a very polite, gentlemanly and stinking-rich way. Wouldn’t quite work if he had a week old growth, dirty clothes and his idea of a Red Room is his trailer. Kind of puts it all into perspective, don’t you think? However!! This was not the best thing about the movie.

Watching 50 Shades in the Prestige Lounge. Now that was thrilling!! Reclining seats! Your own side table! Service to your chair! Coffee served in a porcelain cup and saucer! A menu of food to choose from! I haven’t been so in my element in a long time! It’s just like having your own private home cinema and butler but without having to clean up after. My cappuccino was served to me in my seat and a very pleasant cuppa it was too. I was most pleasantly impressed.

Being an evening show, it would have been even more heavenly if we could have had a choice of wine, champagne and/or beer. Can you imagine a greater indulgence? All terribly sophisticated, Darlings and certainly my idea of movie-going. Just a suggestion to those in charge – in addition to a choice of tipple, a blanket against the raging air-conditioning would be awesome. I am not averse to air-conditioning and the virtues thereof, however it does get a tad chilly in there, even by my standards. Just a suggestion.

I have to admit to being loathe to leave the Prestige Lounge, I had become quite accustomed to it and was quite willing to watch the next show just for the luxury of my reclining seat! Security did eventually manage to persuade me to leave…………… but I’ll be back!!!!

As restitution to dear Emu for being dragged off to, “an anything but a kid’s”, movie, (I could feel her blushing throughout the movie) I took her to the very delightful Boiler Room. Also not what I was expecting, tucked away at the back of the Lion Match Factory. There we feasted on the most amazing Red Velvet Pancakes with Ricotta Cheese and finished off with a tasty cappuccino with a worthy head.

I must just add that the renovations they have made on the Lion Match Factory are awe-inspiring. Another wonderful venue Durban has to offer.


Mumm At Large

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